In my story Odd Sentiments, the chapter Strange Musings About My Physical Appearance mentioned how I like to look at reflective surfaces to see my good looks. In another chapter of the same story, I also wrote that I enjoy thinking about my physical appearance, often mentally complimenting it, but I get nervous when strangers do something similar. Why?
The reason is relatively simple: I am afraid that my physical appearance might be the only thing they will think about.
When I observe and compliment myself on my physical appearance, I don't get nervous, because I know that there are other things about myself worth remembering, besides my physical appearance, since, well, I am myself, and so I have full ownership and knowledge about who I am. However, when a stranger does the same thing, I get nervous, because they are just strangers, so they do not know who I am. The only thing they can really see about me is my physical appearance, so when strangers compliment my physical appearance, I mentally freak out. I start getting nervous that they will only like and assess me based on my physical appearance, not on who I actually am.
I am especially nervous about this because I am a teen girl. The "teenage years" seem to be judged the most. People even have the nerve to use the phrase "teenage angst" to describe a part of a teen's personality. (Don't all people go through angst, not just teens?) Anyways, with that being said, anything can go under judgement now that you are a teenager, including what you wear and how your posture is, both of which can be categorized as parts of the "physical appearance." I am merely generalizing, but if a teenager wore a Gothic fashion, it seems as if people might compute it as a sign of rebelliousness, rowdiness, and depression that seems to be stereotypically connected to teenagers, or try to make some kind of association with the clothes.
I know that I am more than just a judgement of physical appearance, but I just don't want people to get the wrong idea about me. In the teenage years, everything is going through judgement, now that you have to discover your career, become mature enough to handle many, many things but obedient enough to not do too much of your own things, etc.
I fear being judged based on what I look like. A person's physical appearance is almost always obvious to everyone, so people can easily think about it, instead of trying to analyze the person's personality. I genuinely want people to know about my capabilities and personality, not how good I look!
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