Over a year ago, I wrote a blog post about my struggles with the Christian faith. In it, I questioned the nature of God, the validity of religion, and the applicability of Bible stories. Now to start off this new year, I would like to give you all an update about what has become of my religious struggles.
First of all, I am still struggling with faith. When it comes to religion, it seems that the more answers I receive, the more questions I ask! There are so many unfathomable things about religion: does creation contradict science? Are the Bible's teachings truly just and moral? How do I know that Christianity is the true religion? These are all questions that still puzzle me to this day!
Amid the turmoil and confusion, however, there is one thing that I never thought I would stumble upon: hope. In the past, I thought I was ignorant and immoral for having questions and doubts about my religion. I resented the fact that I struggled so much with my religion while envying other people for keeping their faiths flourishing and intact. Although the self-hatred and comparison issues sometimes still linger to this day, I have recently learned to embrace my insatiable curiosity and countless questions; the fact that I ask questions only shows that I am searching for a reason to believe in God.
I have come to exercise more self-compassion regarding my struggles with religion, because I know that finding answers to my religious questions will only ensure that my faith is housed on a firm foundation of rock instead of a crumbling foundation of sand (lol see what I did there?) When I was a child, I thought that my religion was fun and rosy, especially with the colorful children's Bibles that illuminated my imagination and the vibrant, lighthearted animations that would dazzle every Sunday school children's service at my church. The religion of my childhood was filled with bliss and entertainment, which was why it was impossible for me to understand how anyone could have the audacity to question Christianity! However, I have now realized that this blind, joyful acceptance of my religion would have only hurt my faith in the long term: what if I had always blindly and joyfully accepted my religion? I would only have my senses, my feels, and a couple of memories of Sunday school child service animations to defend and justify my belief in God---not a very strong, solid foundation for my faith. If someone had asked me what stirs me to believe in God, I would have barely been able to muster a coherent, tangible answer. In other words, I would have barely even known why I believe in God! If I do not know why I believe in God, then how can there even be a belief in God in the first place? There is nothing to back it up!
Faith without a reason to believe is like a branch without a tree. A tree holds up the branch just as reasons hold up the faith. By asking questions, I will be more likely to find answers that will provide a stronger foundation for my faith.
Additionally, I feel like my entire religion will benefit if my questioning is channeled in a productive manner. First of all, if I had never known what it was like to doubt my religion, I would never have been able to bridge the empathy gap between myself and skeptics. When I was younger, I used to feel dismayed by the mere concept of religious skepticism; now I feel more compassionate toward skeptics, as I know what it is like to feel disillusioned by doubt to the point of becoming a skeptic myself. Without this empathy and experience, it would be more difficult to address the doubts atheists and agnostics have, because I would never have known what it was like to have doubts in the first place. I would merely have a narrow-minded straw man conception of religious skepticism instead of a knowledgeable, empathetic perspective of what it is like to have doubt. This would have made it more difficult to intelligently and compassionately address valid doubts people may have about religion. In other words, I would not be able to defend my religion to skeptics. Furthermore, I envision that my questioning will have a ripple effect: By asking questions about my religion, people more experienced and stronger in faith are prompted to read, research, and study the Bible to find an adequate explanation in response to my questions. If they are able to find an adequate answer to one of my questions, they will discover yet another reason to believe in God; they will open themselves to new avenues to defend their faith. In case they encounter another person who has similar doubts, it will only be easier for them to answer to them, because lo and behold! Lucy already asked the same questions! In addition, once I get more answers to my faith-based questions, I myself will be able to relay what I have learned from experienced Christians to other people who struggle with similar doubts and questions.
If Christians remained ignorant of the doubts skeptics had, how can they expect to eliminate the doubts in the first place? Asking questions and finding answers will only add new paths to our roadmap toward evangelism.
Finally, there is nothing to lose when asking questions. If my questioning leads me to discover that there is a persuading, well-grounded case for Christianity, then my faith will have a firmer foundation, and the knowledge and experience I gain from overcoming doubt could be used to proliferate evangelism and the field of apologetics. Even if the answer to all of my questions ends up being "CHRISTIANITY ISN'T REAL," then fine! I would have discovered the truth about my religion. Either way, I will bring myself closer to learning the truth, which will only change me for the better.
Although the struggles with religion have not gone away, my perspective about the struggles has improved. Asking questions---and finding answers---in hopes of unearthing a reason to believe in God is such a beautiful experience. I have this newfound hope about my religion that I never thought I would have. Ever since I started facing my religious doubt, I have learned to cherish the teachings of the Bible that I already value while becoming less ashamed of asking questions and confronting doubts I have tried to suppress for years. My religious doubt has moved me to reach out to people I would never have reached out to otherwise. Navigating my doubt and openly asking questions has led to greater hope and fellowship.
I will admit: religion is not my strongest suit. However, I know that finding answers will only do more good than harm; if Christianity is false, then I know that it is a false doctrine I may rule out in pursuit of finding the truth. But if it is true, then this short-term struggling may be nothing compared to the long-term redemption and salvation I may enjoy once I overcome the struggle: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all" (2 Corinthians 4:17). Either way, religious struggle is not something to be stigmatized. It is something to embrace.
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